You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Congratulations! We have a period
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
