you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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