Just fell off a train. Bad.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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