im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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