My pussy is not your playground.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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