we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Is Oprah even human
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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