im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
