I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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