i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
