Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
