Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
