I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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