you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
My penis needs a shock collar
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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