It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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