dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
