I wannas sexs uuuuu
My first STD was from a foam party
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
