Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
