Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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