my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
