You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
