I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
