I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
