The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
