I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
not ubering you a puppy
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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