You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
