I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Go christen that room with your naked body.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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