Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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