If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Just pee around me
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
