I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
