I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
