They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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