i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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