It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
