How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
