lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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