Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
That's how pantless uber rides happen
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
