I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
handjob tips. give me some.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
