with your own penis?
wrigley field is MILF paradise
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
