I just made out with a guy for $7.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
