Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
