Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
