you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
