Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
