Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
