I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
