The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
