she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
