if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
