You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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