I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
