I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
