You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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