We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
