Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Randomize
