Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
