I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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