I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
